The girl with the red Sparkly Shoes

The Roaring 20s

Thu, 09 May 2013 10:10:56 -0400

I have a dying need to see ‘The Great Gatsby’ - and not just because of the beautiful Leonardo Di Caprio.

When I was 16/17 I was forced to read this book for A level literature. At the time I did not enjoy the F. Scott Fitzgerald novel at all. I felt it was a chore and I had to read too much into it rather than read it at my own leisure and take all it’s beauty in.

I finally got round to reading it properly after my exam was over. It was just breathtaking. The imagery Fitzgerald created - the world he invited you into. I wanted to be there, to experience the world of the 1920s. The fabulous parties, the American fashion - it was like a magnificent sculpture of literature. This sculpture has now been brought to life via cinematography.

However, being a poor student with very little time, I doubt I will be able to witness the brilliance of ‘The Great Gatsby’ on the silver screen.

Taken.

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 08:09:00 -0400

I finally watched Taken. The reason I never watched it is because I am friends with Albanians. In a way I regret watching it because now I am scared of my friends. Awkward.

However I did love it - I’m in love with Liam Neeson so of course I would love it. He’s awesome.

THE FLAWS. There are a few flaws in this movie in the form of the kidnapped daughter.

1) Her running - it’s ridiculous.

2) She should not lie to her dad when her dad is Liam Neeson.

3) She is not affected by the whole ordeal of being trafficked into prostitution.

4) Her friend is an idiot for trusting a stranger who wasn’t even that good looking anyway.

5) The daughter doesn’t even care that her best friend died! Like seriously, what is up with that?

6) She can’t act for shit. I could play that role better.

I think that’s all for now - basically, Liam Neeson is awesome, only some Albanians are in that kind of business and do not go to Paris.

What is my life?

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 16:55:00 -0400

I need to write. I have a sudden need to voice my opinion on my life and not have others tell me what to do.

I don’t think I can teach my own class - Iccan’t see me doing that. I honestly see myself living in a different country or being a housewife. I want a family and I want my own family now.

I feel so alone in this and that it will never happen. I doubt myself because I feel like my own family doubt me in this.

I have a guilty pleasure in the form of Declan Donnelly (Dec from And&Dec) It’s weird and wrong but I cannot help it. I just had to say that.

I feel like I can’t do any of my university assignments because they except so much and I just struggle to write the simplest thing.

Basically, what is my life? I’ve become addicted to the Sims on my phone - I’m married to Gary Barlow who is now a firefighter and our baby is born tomorrow evening. I need help.

:D <3

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 16:02:17 -0500

I’M OFF TO RHODES. In 174days. EEK.

If I were intoxicated...

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 19:46:20 -0500

with alcohol, I would write a long ass message to the one and only A. Both As maybe actually.

Telling one how much he actually hurt me and how it took me pretty much a year to get over that one.

Telling the other that no matter how strong the feeling I have towards him I’m done. He’ll always be in my life in some way but it hurts too much.

I do however, still need to be in Rhodes this Summer to make me feel like me again.

Resolutions

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 19:47:00 -0500

2013.

This year I do have resolutions apart from, lose weight - which will actually happen. I’ve already lost half a dress size.

So…

1) Do what makes me happy.

2) I will not be swayed by what others may think.

3) Live in the moment.

4) Have a positive aspect on life.

The last thing to say...

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:58:00 -0500

The World is NOT going to end tomorrow - FACT. However, I want to take this opportunity to speak the truth.

The best 4 weeks of my life have all been in Greece: Kefalonia and Rhodes. The people I met out there have changed me completely and I treasure every moment I’ve had with them and every memory they’ve helped me create. By the end of the first week I had a new found confidence and I would like to thank Nikos, Dino and Blade for this, in particular Blade. If I could return to that week I would just spend more time with you because I do think about that last night a lot and I sometimes wish it turned out differently.

My second week was the last week I saw my best friend. It was such a lovely time just being with her and sharing all these new experiences with her. I wouldn’t change that week at all.

My third week was just amazing. The amount of people I met that week changed my life. I became so much closer to my lovely cousin and it was a week that I will never forget. It is a week I constantly look back on and want to change in some respects. Raoul - I am sorry. You are the best EVER and I hope we can share a kitkat icecream again someday in the future because you’re just amazing. Fabs - I am sorry I hit you but you were being a malaka, but then again, you’re Fabs and I’ll always come back to you. Andrew - Where do I begin? You won’t know how you’ve helped me but you have and I’ll like to thank you for that. Alex - I’ve saving what I need to say to you for my fourth week.

Week number 4. This week had many ups and downs for me. I can’t apologise for who I am. It is a fact that I go to sunbathe on the beach and drink cocktails at Pals, to meet new people and catch up with old friends. I apologise to Fabs for saying I would think about marrying him - I’m not going to. Unless I see you in a different environment and you somehow make me fall in love you like you promised you would do! But here goes nothing - Alex - You have changed my life forever. You make me feel cared for and protected. You make me laugh, you make my cry and you make me feel all warm inside. I cannot imagine not ever meeting you because I know that I would feel empty without knowing you. I love you and I always will. I’ve tried to bury it but I can’t. There is always something which pulls me back in. I get excited when I talk to you and I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again. I know that we cannot be anything because life is just too complicated but I know you’ll always be in my life and I want to say one final goodbye to you face to face. I know you’ll understand this and I wish with all my heart that we’ll have this opportunity. You complete me. Unless it’s just the thought of you I love. I don’t know. All I know is that even though we never really started and it ended before it began, it felt real. The most real thing I’ve felt in a long time. Thank you for making me feel like I literally was the only girl in the world.

hmmmmmm.

Sat, 17 Nov 2012 18:34:00 -0500

I’m lost. Not actually lost, I know where I am, but lost in a metaphorical sense. I have come to a point where I just don’t know what to do. I feel like, in England I’m just this person who goes along not making an impact on anybody, but when I’m in this place I can only describe as my own haven, I’m this person who does make an impact on people and I’m the kind of person people want to be around.

I’m sitting here, feeling sorry for myself when I know people have bigger problems in life. It makes me feel so selfish but I really don’t have a lot of confidence and I need it. When I’m in another other country I’m this person who does have confidence, who makes friends with anyone and everyone. I’m part of a group which people would kill to have back in England. I’m not trying to sound up myself, but I don’t know, I just love it there so much and the friends I make there do impact my life, I can’t classify them as my good friends because I don’t know them well enough, but some of my best memories are with them.

All I’m saying is that, I don’t feel like me in England. I feel like someone who just wanders through life not making a difference.

Another post.

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 17:54:00 -0500

I think I’m now posting because I feel like I have to get things off of my chest but can’t do that in 140 characters on twitter and my parents have me on facebook - awkward.

Sometimes I do feel like I won’t ever be happy with one person. I know they’re out there somewhere, but because I have a strong moral and ethical code, it’s finding the right person. I do over think situations but I know when something is blatantly obvious - sometimes good, sometimes bad - but at the end of the day I know it’s me who has to do something about it. I think 2013 will be my year where good things will happen. Be it that I move out to Greece for Summer or have 2 weeks there.

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 13:13:36 -0500

Even though I have this undeniable feeling for a man who lives thousand of miles away and no visa, I really do think I should realise that we will never happen and what we have will just always remain special to me. I’m still going back there one more time, just because I have a strong connection to Lindos.

I think I need help getting back out there. I think I just have a lack of confidence which I need to build up. I do have a type which I can’t deny now I don’t think: Tall, dark and handsome - how stereotypical! Strong jawline and that. So from now, I think I’m just going to say yes if there are no valid reasons to say no.

The future.

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:12:31 -0500

When I try to picture my future, I can’t see it being in England. I want to be able to have the freedom to teach wherever I want to teach and not be tied down. In a few years time I picture myself running a restaurant/bar with my future husband and I picture this man to be a) A man and b) foreign. I have a type. Tall, dark, handsome and well, foreign. I have to say the only person I’ve ever properly fallen for in the past 3 years who was English was a bit of a twat - this is why it’s foreign all the way.

There’s 3 men I could see myself with. All very different relationships, the only two things they have in common: Hospitality and foreign. The whole hospitality thing is because they have to cater for your every need. Which suffice to say, all three of them do. This is beside the point.

I see myself settled and abroad with a husband who is described above and really pretty children.

.

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 19:19:25 -0400

Basically I feel I need to write this down otherwise it will just drive me crazy. It will drive me crazy anyway as I feel there is nothing I can do about it but there is a man whom I care a lot about. I don’t know what to call this feeling, I don’t think I can call it love, if it is it is more than likely to be unrequited love. There is nothing I can do to find out what it is, purely because of my own fear of rejection and heartache. I tried it last year with someone else and well, as you can tell, didn’t end well for me.

I feel as if I just can’t talk to him normally and tell him because he lives so far away and there isn’t anything that we can do about that so what is the point right?

I wouldn’t call myself fussy, I don’t know what it is but I only ever ‘fall for’ or have a thing when it’s requited, so to speak, on holiday. Maybe due to this I have a psychological block or I can’t get past this one person. I think what I need is a night with my friends, forgetting about it all and then just go out and have fun and I don’t know, I just don’t like the feeling of being alone :(

My description

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 11:26:00 -0400

I have most of the features to be Italian: I have dark, wavy hair and deep brown eyes, but the thing that lets me down is my pale skin and freckles – I get that from my Irish granddad. Recently I was told by an old Greek taxi driver that I had the ‘Mediterranean look’, he went on to describe the long dark hair and that is what he liked. I should have been scared but I’m too trusting and naïve – I like to see the best in people. Due to this I have the key skill of befriending foreign waiters and barmen.

I come from all over, from South Asia to Scotland – I’m a mix of many different cultures which I am proud of and appreciate, because of this I have a passion to travel and see the World. I love learning about my own heritage and want to see all there is to see.

If you first met me you would assume that I was shy, but after five minutes it’s another story! I like to think of myself as approachable as I make friends easily, but I’m one of those people who would rather have a small group of close friends I can rely on than a large group of acquaintances.

I’m far from a realist; I’m an idealist and a romanticist. I have an ideal future I want which in reality is highly unlikely to happen, no matter how much I dream it. I’m very family orientated and my family play a vital role in my life. They keep me grounded and stable. Not only are my family important to me, but I am a religious person, not to the point where I will try to convert people, but being a Catholic has helped me through my life. I have adopted key morals in my life which encourage and help me, without which I would be lost.

I love literature and the arts; in fact I am currently writing a novel which is partly based upon my life to a certain point. Through reading the book it is clear that I live in a dream world and want a certain type of future which can only be true within fiction

Jealousy...

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 10:32:10 -0400

It’s a strange thing. It turns me into a crazy woman, so much so that I should be locked up in an institute or something.

I do get jealous over little things when I have no right to be. In my head I’ve exaggerated what me and Alex are. I think of us is something more than just a Summer thing, where nothing major happens, just us being together. We only ‘made out’ (vom at that word phrases so much) one evening. We did see each other everyday that week and to me that was special. It probably wasn’t the same for him. I like to think that I mean more to him than other women who come along. He looks out and cares for me, he wants to make sure that I’m okay, that I’m safe. Anyway…point is, I recently saw on facebook a post that this woman posted. It said something about now that they have been reunited how will he stop her from leaving again. WITH A WINK. This got me all worked up. Then, the other day, he shared her photos of him and Fabs and even her down at the beach playing pingpong; which is what we did. I’ve been replaced by an older version of me and yes, I’m extremely jealous and upset. I know he doesn’t owe me anything, we’re not together and he can do what he wants, but the fact that we do actually have something special, you can’t deny it if you see us together, even his boss saw it. Point is, I do get super jealous - for no reason. I do need help.

What I want.

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 13:02:32 -0400

For the past few days I haven’t felt complete; I do not know what to do with my life.

I know that I want to finish my degree, but I want to do something so much more. I want to volunteer at a Romanian orphanage, I want to volunteer in Albanian orphanages. Basically, they’re cheaper to go to.

I want to go to Rome for a week on my own, sit outside a cafe and watch the Romans walk past. I want to fall in love by the Fontana di Trevi con un Italiano. Essere uno con il mondo. Voglio vivere in Italia, ma vedere il mondo. To go to Venice and explore the city of masks, trovara amore a Verona. Ho bisogno fare questo. I know I have to, I’m not saying I will then be truly happy, as I know I will be truly happy con lui ma questo é impossible.

I want to find myself by experiencing my own family’s culture in Italy. I want to make a difference to peoples’ lives in the poorest parts of Europe.

But how is all this going to be possible? If I could just do this now, I would.

Too true.

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 12:44:02 -0400

Too true.

Photo

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 10:12:26 -0400

I'm moving.

Mon, 10 Sep 2012 08:28:12 -0400

I want to move to a foreign country, find a job and start my life there.

Let’s face it, it’s inevitable that my husband will be foreign and the only way I’ll be able to find him is really by moving countries…

I’m going to get a tefl qualification I think, to make finding a job easier. I’ll also take up extra Italian lessons. I’m moving there.

My novel: I left my heart in Lindos.

Mon, 03 Sep 2012 18:42:36 -0400

I’m writing a novel. I’ve just come to the scene where Jules first kisses Fabio. I didn’t know how to write it, it’s border line 50shades without the whole “he cupped my sex as he cocked his head to one side” shit. But it’s still weird to write it. I know it’s based upon true events with names changed, but I have had to edit it to make it more exciting. The main part of the book is going to be completely fictional with the pregnancy of Jules and telling the father Alex over the Internet. The child is born and she has to struggle with what is best for her child and for herself - if it’s best to follow her heart or her head or if they both lead her to the same place. That’s basically what my book is about. The stuff before is how her heart was left in Lindos which started with the man called Fabio, was broken by a man named Steve, and fixed by a man named Alex.

I would love for this to be published: The memoirs of a naive holidaymaker.

I will post a snippet of my novel. This paragraph is just before the first kiss of Jules and Fabio.

“Roberts”, Fabio said, he liked to call me Roberts, after Julia Roberts. “Let’s talk about something romantic”, oh no. This is not going to end well! I kept thinking to myself. “Eerm…sunrises?” I said as I looked up into his dark, brown eyes which I could just get lost in. “I like this, one will be soon. But, I have an idea as to what we could do whilst we wait for a sunrise”. Oh his voice was so warm and smouldering. I had an idea as to what was about to happen as he took my hand and lead me to an alleyway. I know what you’re thinking, something bad will happen. He pushed me into a corner. I could smell the cigarettes he has been smoking, but I knew I only smelt of tequila!

It’s so cringe worthy.

My children.

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 17:43:15 -0400

I was just really cool and morphed my future children with several men. 3 of my kids are with alex:

http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/06175733eafd45093453470ca63da9be/0/14917274/Baby-of-photoshoot-me-jpg-and-1-jpg.jpeg This is just one of them.

This is my daughter with Taylor Lautner: http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/cafaaeac7388d99d24371250288aa564/0/14917596/Baby-of-photoshoot-me-jpg-and-Taylor-Lautner.jpeg

Harry Styles:

http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/13bd934ce8e229376f2401c061dbf505/0/14917632/Baby-of-Harry-Styles-and-photoshoot-me-jpg.jpeg

My son with Robert Downey Jr:

http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/6b7de57624e2542f326a9af193840692/0/14917673/Baby-of-Robert-Downey-Junior-and-photoshoot-me-jpg.jpeg

Basically, this proves that I need a life. Someone, PLEASE help me. I know I’m young but I feel the need to settle down, to get married, to have children - before I’m 30. Then man I sometimes see myself doing this with is 30 next year! SCARY SHIT. It will turn out that I won’t marry this man and bear his children. Sucks. But true. I basically need my friends to take me out and show me that there is more to life than dreaming about being in a loving marriage with a closer to 30 than 20 years old, Albanian man.